Assassin's Creed: A Parody
by MsBBSue
Summary: This is simply a short parody of the preview of the first Assassin's Creed-the one with the assassination and the bell tower-all the wonderful Assassin's Creedy goodness; the preview that made you want to play the game. Take this lightheartedly. It's only purpose is to put a small grin perhaps even a full out smile to your lips. Enjoy.


**Disclaimer: I am in no way, shape, or form affiliated with Assassin's Creed, nor Ubisoft. I wrote this merely for shits and giggles, and, sadly, I am making no profit from these words, and rightly so. I am poor. Perhaps more so now than before. Thusly, I hope this is a good enough disclaimer for you all.**

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_****__This is in script format. It is not to be read like a story and yes, I know scripts are apparently forbidden on this site. This is a direct parody of the Assassin's Creed preview from when the first Assassin's Creed came out. I am in no way trying to be malicious. I loved that game, and still do to this day. For those of you who never saw the preview, I encourage you to look it up-I even encourage those of you who saw it before (just to refresh your memory). Please enjoy, and laugh if and when you see fit._

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**Assassin's Creed Preview**

Victim standing on the platform is hollering out, "See what becomes to those who betray our laws, and know also that these men did not..." (Make up something, improvise, make it sound good)

Scene cuts to Altair standing in the bell tower, straightening and looking out to the crowd with a 'menacing' look—keep in mind his eyes are covered by the hood. Goes back to the man on the platform where three men are hanging, again improvise with what is said. Crowd cheering, ruckus. Camera goes back to Altair, choppy zoom out and the bell swings behind him. One of two things can happen.

Altair standing at the bell tower, looking down at the crowd. When the bell swings left and then back right, Altair is seen racing/chasing the bell to keep his figure unseen.

**Or**

The bell swings forward and knocks Altair down from the bell tower, thus making the birds flap away.

Altair makes his way through the crowd, breathing hard, hunched over, ultimately exhausted. He tries pushing a guy out of his way, but the man does not budge. The guy turns towards him, Altair is visibly intimidated. The guy then pushes Altair to the ground—but he lands closer to the platform.

Altair then stands and makes his way up the platform; bad ass mode activated. He whips out his crossbow and shoots it at guard 1 first (coming from the left). Guard 1 lets out a cry and falls to the platform dead. Guard 2 (coming from the right) swipes at Altair with his sword—Altair lets out a shriek as he dodges the blade. As guard 2 spins from the swing, Altair uses the crossbow as an axe and hooks it into guard 2's side making him fall over.

Altair takes a running start and attempts to jump for the epic assassination, but in turn trips over his own footing making him slide on his belly across the platform as the cheers fall to silence allowing the screeching of him sliding to amplify. The victim of the assassination walks up to him and tries to help him up—he's bewildered from the attack, not too sure what's going on, and Altair takes the helping hand, but, as it would turn out, the hand Altair uses to grip the helping one of the victim is the hand with the hidden blade. As he reaches out, the blade penetrated the victim's hand and extends to his chest, thus assassinating him by mistake. Blood spritz out and Altair stands and holds the victim as he falls to the ground.

Altair: May peace be upon—*blood spritzes into his face*—May peace be—*again, blood shoots at him*—May—*again*—Ahhh, screw it!

Altair then drops the lifeless body onto the platform and turns to see guard 3 coming at him with a sword. Altair runs away, screaming like a girl down the alleyway, flailing his hands.

Camera takes on his view as he races through the alley, pots are broken and for a brief moment, Link appears holding one of the pots. Camera goes back to showing Altair as he runs up a wall and guard 4 swings at him. Camera angle is at the ground looking up as guard 5 runs into view. Altair is seen jumping from one building to the next, but misses. He falls and is chased by guard 4, 5, 6, and 7, until he meets the doors to the church.

Altair turns away from the doors, raising his hands as if to signify he has given up, perhaps even lets out a little whimper saying he didn't mean to do it. The doors then opens, releasing the monks, and Altair gives a smug grin, no longer whimpering. He then disappears into the group as they fan out.

G4: Man, where did he go?

G5: Who would have thought trying to find an assassin would be so hard?

G6: Guys, it's not _that_ hard—

G5: What do you mean?

G6: He's the one without a lion on his chest.

G7: Yeah... let's just pretend to not see him...

Altair walks by, pretending to be a monk.

G6 to 4,5,&7: Quick, look away!

Altair gets past.

Guard 7: Did he see us?

Guard 6: Allah, I hope not.

Guard 5: What do we tell the boss?

Guard 7: *Turns towards them with slitted eyes* He got away. If any of you say otherwise, I'll be the one you have to worry about, got it?!

The guards nod and then the scene brightens to show the Assassin's Creed title.

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**As always, reviews are much welcomed and happily received as well as responded to with great gratitude. **

**This is my first time writing for the Assassin's Creed fandom. I hope I gave it just a touch of justice.**

**~MsBBSue**


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